Family Relationships

Setting Boundaries With Family

You know what you want to say until your parent calls. Suddenly, a simple holiday decision carries years of obligation. I help clients explore family boundaries without assuming that distance, confrontation, or cutting contact is the right answer.

Request a Consultation

An open oak door leading from a linen-lined bench to a private garden

What It Feels Like

How Family Pressure Can Feel

You might agree to a visit and feel angry afterward. Or you rehearse a conversation all week, then say everything is fine. Guilt can arrive before anyone even objects.

Holidays often sharpen these tensions. Travel, meals, money, and whose home comes first can turn ordinary planning into a question of loyalty. I take those practical details seriously rather than offering a script that ignores your circumstances.

Underneath

What a Boundary Can Carry

In some families, availability signals love. In others, younger relatives are expected to defer, translate, or keep everyone connected. A boundary may feel like rejecting much more than one request.

I ask what respect, care, and obligation mean in your family and culture. We can distinguish responsibilities you choose from expectations you follow because disagreement once carried a cost. Both may be present in the same decision.

Our Work

Understanding the Familiar Role

Psychodynamic work can help us understand familiar roles, such as being the dependable child or the peacemaker. I pay attention to how those roles appear in relationships today.

With IFS, we may listen to the part that wants space and the part afraid of hurting someone. Narrative work helps question labels such as selfish, difficult, or ungrateful. You can keep caring about family while examining those labels.

In Session

One Conversation at a Time

We might take one upcoming conversation and slow it down. What are you willing to offer? What are you declining? I can help you find words that sound like you.

We also make room for what follows: sadness, relief, another request, or a relative's disappointment. A clear limit does not require you to stop caring about someone else's feelings.

First Steps

Deciding What You Want to Discuss

A free consultation gives us time to discuss the family situation bringing you here. You do not need to decide in advance whether you want more contact or less.
Individual sessions are 45 minutes, online for clients in California, Arizona, and Missouri or in person in Manhattan Beach. I am private pay. My Rates page explains fees, and superbills are available.

Questions