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Individual Therapy

Why Do I Shut Down?

You want to answer, but your mind goes blank. Someone asks what you need, and you cannot find a sentence. I make room for that pause without treating your silence as a failure.

What It Feels Like

When Words Disappear

Shutting down can look quiet from the outside. Inside, your chest may tighten, your thoughts may scatter, or everything may feel far away. Later, you might replay the conversation and wish you had spoken.

Closeness can bring this response up alongside conflict. A caring question, a request for reassurance, or someone's disappointment may leave you wanting to disappear. You can care about someone and still lose access to words.

Underneath

What Silence May Protect

I get curious about what going quiet has helped you avoid. Perhaps speaking once led to criticism, longer arguments, or pressure to explain feelings before you understood them. Silence may have served a protective purpose.

Using Internal Family Systems, or IFS, I might describe this response as one part of you trying to help. We can listen to its concerns without asking it to step aside before you feel ready.

Our Work

Listening to the Protective Part

We might slow down a recent argument and notice the moment your attention shifted. A change in tone, a tight jaw, or an urge to agree can give us somewhere specific to begin.

Narrative work helps us examine conclusions such as 'I ruin every conversation.' Psychodynamic work brings attention to earlier relationships and expectations that may still shape what you anticipate when someone wants more from you.

In Session

Quiet Can Belong in a Session

I offer 45-minute individual sessions online for clients located in California, Arizona, or Missouri, and in person in Manhattan Beach. You do not need a polished explanation of why you have come.

If words disappear during a session, I can ask a smaller question or leave a little quiet. We can notice what is happening together rather than making talking continuously the measure of useful work.

First Steps

Noticing Before Changing

You could begin by noticing one recent moment when you pulled away. What happened just before it? What did you feel in your body? There is no need to force a different response immediately.
A free consultation gives you time to ask how I work and describe what you want help with. You can also ask about scheduling, location, and whether my approach fits what you are looking for.

Questions