Individual Therapy

People-Pleasing and Losing Yourself

You say yes before checking your calendar or your energy. Then you feel irritated, guilty, or invisible. I want to understand what makes agreement feel necessary, even when part of you wants to say no.

Request a Consultation

Unmarked ceramic vessels on an oak shelf beside a garden-facing window

What It Feels Like

Agreeing Before You Know What You Want

People-pleasing can show up in ordinary decisions. You let someone choose dinner again, answer a late message, or accept another task. Asked what you prefer, you may struggle to find an answer.

Resentment can arrive after everyone else seems satisfied. You might feel ashamed of being angry when you were the one who agreed. I see that tension as something worth understanding, not another reason for self-criticism.

Underneath

The Role of Being Easy

Some early roles reward being easy, helpful, or unusually aware of adults' moods. You may have learned to keep things calm by needing less. Those habits can continue even when your circumstances have changed.

With IFS, or Internal Family Systems, I get curious about the part that says yes quickly. It may expect rejection, anger, or distance if you disappoint someone. We can take those expectations seriously without accepting them as facts.

Our Work

Finding Your Preference

We can look closely at a recent request. What did you want before imagining the other person's reaction? Where did you feel pressure? A small pause may reveal preferences that usually get pushed aside.

Narrative work examines labels like 'selfish' or 'difficult.' Psychodynamic work considers how earlier relationships shaped your role with others. I help you distinguish a choice to give from agreement that feels compulsory.

In Session

No Right Answer Required

Individual sessions last 45 minutes. I meet online with clients located in California, Arizona, and Missouri, and in person in Manhattan Beach. A conversation you keep replaying can be enough to bring into a session.
You can disagree with me, ask for a different pace, or say a question does not fit. If you notice yourself trying to give the right answer, that experience can become part of our work.

First Steps

A Pause Before Yes

Before one low-pressure request, try noticing whether your answer is immediate. You might write down what you would choose if nobody needed persuading. You do not have to act on that answer yet.

I offer a free consultation to discuss what brings you in and how I approach this work. It is also a chance to ask practical questions without having to decide everything during one conversation.

Questions