Couples Therapy

Arguing About Money

A purchase, a balance, or a question about spending can open a much larger argument. I help couples explore what money represents to each of them, alongside the real decisions that still need attention.

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An oak dining table with ceramic vessels opening onto a sunlit terrace and hillside

At Home

More than the numbers

One partner wants to review every expense. The other wants to buy something without feeling watched. Soon the conversation is about being irresponsible or controlling, and neither person feels understood.

Financial limits are real, and disagreement can have practical consequences. Looking at the emotions involved does not mean ignoring those facts. It can help us understand why a particular decision carries so much weight between you.

Underneath

The meanings you learned at home

In your family growing up, money may have meant security, freedom, generosity, status, or something nobody discussed. You may have learned to save against uncertainty or to spend when there was finally enough.

Those experiences do not explain everything, and I will not assume your history from your habits. I may ask what happened around money in your home and which messages still show up when you talk with your partner. I also want to understand what feels difficult to admit about money. Shame, resentment, or worry can remain unspoken even after many discussions of the same expense.

Emotionally Focused Therapy

Understanding money conflict through EFT

Using Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT, I help you notice the emotional cycle surrounding financial conversations. A request for details might express fear about stability, while a defensive reply might protect a need for trust or independence.

We can practice putting those meanings into words without treating one perspective as the whole story. Understanding the feeling beneath a position can create room to discuss responsibility, differences, and the impact of choices more directly. We can leave room for both immediate concerns and older associations, without using family history to excuse choices that affect your partner today.

In Session

Bring one conversation we can examine

Couples appointments are 60 minutes, available in person in Manhattan Beach or by secure video for couples in California, Arizona, and Missouri. You can contact me to discuss how we might meet.

We might begin with the last time a money discussion changed tone. I will ask what each of you heard and felt. My role is relationship therapy, not financial planning or choosing investments for you.

When to Reach Out

Talk about what the disagreement carries

If financial conversations keep leaving you divided, a free consultation can be a place to ask about working together. You do not need matching views about spending before reaching out.

The practice is private pay, and I can provide superbills. Please allow 48 hours’ notice for cancellations. Questions about the practical side of therapy are welcome as you consider your next step.

Questions